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The $30,000 Bequest - (1)
CHAPTER I Lakeside was a pleasant little town of five or six thousand inhabitants, and a rather pretty one, too, as towns go in the Far Wes…
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The $30,000 Bequest - (2)
“Oh, listen to the man! Some day you've got to prove to the executors that you never inquired. What then?” He had forgotten that detail. He…
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The $30,000 Bequest - (3)
In their sternly restricted fact life they remained as of old plodding, diligent, careful, practical, economical. They stuck loyally to the…
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A Dog's Tale - (1)
CHAPTER I My father was a St. Bernard, my mother was a collie, but I am a Presbyterian. This is what my mother told me, I do not know these…
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A Dog's Tale - (2)
Soon the master stopped discussing a moment, and rang in the footman, and said, “Bury it in the far corner of the garden,” and then went on…
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A Dog's Tale - (3)
“Come, let us reason together. Let us examine details. When you two were in the sick-room raising that riot, what would you have done if yo…
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A Cure For The Blues - (1)
By courtesy of Mr. Cable I came into possession of a singular book eight or ten years ago. It is likely that mine is now the only copy in e…
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A Cure For The Blues - (2)
At last we begin to get the Major's measure. We are able to put this and that casual fact together, and build the man up before our eyes, a…
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The Curious Book - (1)
COMPLETE (The foregoing review of the great work of G. Ragsdale McClintock is liberally illuminated with sample extracts, but these cannot…
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The Curious Book - (2)
In 1842 he entered the class, and made rapid progress in the English and Latin departments. Indeed, he continued advancing with such rapidi…
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The Curious Book - (3)
G. Why, Amelia, this untimely grief? What has caused the sorrows that bespeak better and happier days, to those lavish out such heaps of mi…
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The Curious Book - (4)
We have now reached the most trying moment of our lives; we are pledged not to forsake our trust; we have waited for a favorable hour to co…
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The Curious Book - (5)
The appointed day ushered in undisturbed by any clouds; nothing disturbed Ambulinia's soft beauty. With serenity and loveliness she obeys t…
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The Californian's Tale
Thirty-five years ago I was out prospecting on the Stanislaus, tramping all day long with pick and pan and horn, and washing a hatful of di…
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A Helpless Situation
Once or twice a year I get a letter of a certain pattern, a pattern that never materially changes, in form and substance, yet I cannot get…
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A Telephonic Conversation
Consider that a conversation by telephone when you are simply sitting by and not taking any part in that conversation is one of the solemne…
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Edward Mills And George Benton: A Tale
These two were distantly related to each other seventh cousins, or something of that sort. While still babies they became orphans, and were…
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The Five Boons Of Life
Chapter I In the morning of life came a good fairy with her basket, and said: “Here are gifts. Take one, leave the others. And be wary, cho…
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The First Writing-Machines
From My Unpublished Autobiography Some days ago a correspondent sent in an old typewritten sheet, faded by age, containing the following le…
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Italian Without A Master
It is almost a fortnight now that I am domiciled in a medieval villa in the country, a mile or two from Florence. I cannot speak the langua…
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Italian With Grammar
I found that a person of large intelligence could read this beautiful language with considerable facility without a dictionary, but I prese…
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A Burlesque Biography
Two or three persons having at different times intimated that if I would write an autobiography they would read it when they got leisure, I…
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How To Tell A Story
The Humorous Story an American Development. Its Difference from Comic and Witty Stories I do not claim that I can tell a story as it ought…
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General Washington's Negro Body-Servant
A Biographical Sketch The stirring part of this celebrated colored man's life properly began with his death that is to say, the notable fea…
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Wit Inspirations Of The “Two-Year-Olds”
All infants appear to have an impertinent and disagreeable fashion nowadays of saying “smart” things on most occasions that offer, and espe…
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An Entertaining Article
I take the following paragraph from an article in the Boston Advertiser: AN ENGLISH CRITIC ON MARK TWAIN Perhaps the most successful flight…
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A Letter To The Secretary Of The Treasury
Riverdale-on-the-Hudson, OCTOBER 15, 1902. The Hon. The Secretary Of The Treasury, WASHINGTON, D. C.: Sir, Prices for the customary kinds o…
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Amended Obituaries
TO THE EDITOR: Sir, I am approaching seventy; it is in sight; it is only three years away. Necessarily, I must go soon. It is but matter-of…
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A Monument To Adam
Some one has revealed to the Tribune that I once suggested to Rev. Thomas K. Beecher, of Elmira, New York, that we get up a monument to Ada…
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A Humane Word From Satan
(The following letter, signed by Satan and purporting to come from him, we have reason to believe was not written by him, but by Mark Twain…
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English”
by Pedro Carolino In this world of uncertainties, there is, at any rate, one thing which may be pretty confidently set down as a certainty:…
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Advice To Little Girls
Good little girls ought not to make mouths at their teachers for every trifling offense. This retaliation should only be resorted to under…
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Post-Mortem Poetry (1)
In Philadelphia they have a custom which it would be pleasant to see adopted throughout the land. It is that of appending to published deat…
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The Danger Of Lying In Bed
The man in the ticket-office said: “Have an accident insurance ticket, also?” “No,” I said, after studying the matter over a little. “No, I…
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Portrait Of King William Iii
I never can look at those periodical portraits in The Galaxy magazine without feeling a wild, tempestuous ambition to be an artist. I have…
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Does The Race Of Man Love A Lord? - (1)
Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom; it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic p…
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Does The Race Of Man Love A Lord? - (2)
How many times in your life have you heard this boastful remark: “I stood as close to him as I am to you; I could have put out my hand and…
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Extracts From Adam's Diary
MONDAY. This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like th…
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Eve's Diary
Translated from the Original SATURDAY. I am almost a whole day old, now. I arrived yesterday. That is as it seems to me. And it must be so,…
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Extract From Adam's Diary
Perhaps I ought to remember that she is very young, a mere girl and make allowances. She is all interest, eagerness, vivacity, the world is…