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Коллекция текстов · humor

"The Rose of Dixie" (1)
When The Rose of Dixie magazine was started by a stock company in Toombs City, Georgia, there was never but one candidate for its chief edi…
"The Rose of Dixie" (2)
"The article," said Colonel Telfair, acknowledging the apology by a slight bow, "covers a wide area of knowledge. It takes up theories and…
The Rose of Dixie
BY A Member of the Well-known BULLOCH FAMILY, OF GEORGIA T. Roosevelt
The Third Ingredient (1)
The (so-called) Vallambrosa Apartment-House is not an apartment-house. It is composed of two old-fashioned, brownstone-front residences wel…
The Third Ingredient (2)
"Listen," said Hetty, paling a little with anxiety. "Raw onion is a mighty poor diet. And so is a beef-stew without one. Now, if you're Jac…
The Hiding of Black Bill (1)
A lank, strong, red-faced man with a Wellington beak and small, fiery eyes tempered by flaxen lashes, sat on the station platform at Los Pi…
The Hiding of Black Bill (2)
"'I am mighty poor and low down in the world,' says I. 'I am working for twelve dollars a month trying to keep a lot of animals together wh…
Schools and Schools
I Old Jerome Warren lived in a hundred-thousand-dollar house at 35 East Fifty-Soforth Street. He was a downtown broker, so rich that he cou…
Thimble, Thimble (1)
These are the directions for finding the office of Carteret & Carteret, Mill Supplies and Leather Belting: You follow the Broadway trail do…
Thimble, Thimble (2)
"All right," responded Black-Tie, with unimpaired cheerfulness; "suppose we say 'squabs' when we talk about the 'proposal' and 'larks' when…
Supply and Demand
Finch keeps a hats-cleaned-by-electricity-while-you-wait establishment, nine feet by twelve, in Third Avenue. Once a customer, you are alwa…
Buried Treasure
There are many kinds of fools. Now, will everybody please sit still until they are called upon specifically to rise? I had been every kind…
To Him Who Waits
The Hermit of the Hudson was hustling about his cave with unusual animation. The cave was on or in the top of a little spur of the Catskill…
He Also Serves
If I could have a thousand years—just one little thousand years—more of life, I might, in that time, draw near enough to true Romance to to…
The Moment of Victory (1)
Ben Granger is a war veteran aged twenty-nine—which should enable you to guess the war. He is also principal merchant and postmaster of Cad…
The Moment of Victory (2)
"But that job gave Willie the big boost he wanted. The San Augustine News and the Galveston, St. Louis, New York, and Kansas City papers pr…
The Head-Hunter (1)
When the war between Spain and George Dewey was over, I went to the Philippine Islands. There I remained as bush-whacker correspondent for…
The Head-Hunter (2)
"Come," said he, persuasively, "I think better of you than to suppose that you try this sort of thing as a joke. But even the vagaries of a…
No Story
To avoid having this book hurled into corner of the room by the suspicious reader, I will assert in time that this is not a newspaper story…
The Higher Pragmatism
I Where to go for wisdom has become a question of serious import. The ancients are discredited; Plato is boiler-plate; Aristotle is totteri…
Best-Seller (1)
I One day last summer I went to Pittsburgh—well, I had to go there on business. My chair-car was profitably well filled with people of the…
Best-Seller (2)
"'If there was,' says I, 'he can't claim kin with our bunch. We've always lived in and around Pittsburgh. I've got an uncle in the real-est…
Rus in Urbe
Considering men in relation to money, there are three kinds whom I dislike: men who have more money than they can spend; men who have more…
A Poor Rule (1)
I have always maintained, and asserted time to time, that woman is no mystery; that man can foretell, construe, subdue, comprehend, and int…
A Poor Rule (2)
That evening four of the willow rocking-chairs were filled besides the lucky one that sustained the trim figure of Miss Hinkle. Three of us…