Heart of the West

Коллекция текстов · humor

I — Hearts and Crosses (1)
Baldy Woods reached for the bottle, and got it. Whenever Baldy went for anything he usually—but this is not Baldy’s story. He poured out a…
I — Hearts and Crosses (2)
And now Santa shook from her shoulder something that we had not seen before—a rope lasso. She freed the loop of it, coiling the length in h…
II — The Ransom of Mack
Me and old Mack Lonsbury, we got out of that Little Hide-and-Seek gold mine affair with about $40,000 apiece. I say “old” Mack; but he wasn…
III — Telemachus, Friend
Returning from a hunting trip, I waited at the little town of Los Piños, in New Mexico, for the south-bound train, which was one hour late.…
IV — The Handbook of Hymen (1)
’Tis the opinion of myself, Sanderson Pratt, who sets this down, that the educational system of the United States should be in the hands of…
IV — The Handbook of Hymen (2)
Four of the firemen and citizens grabs hold of me. It’s sure death, they say, to go in the house, for the floors was beginning to fall thro…
V — The Pimienta Pancakes
While we were rounding up a bunch of the Triangle-O cattle in the Frio bottoms a projecting branch of a dead mesquite caught my wooden stir…
VI — Seats of the Haughty (1)
Golden by day and silver by night, a new trail now leads to us across the Indian Ocean. Dusky kings and princes have found our Bombay of th…
VI — Seats of the Haughty (2)
“Now I’ll tell you what happened in New York. I says to myself: ‘Friend Heherezade, you want to get busy and make Bagdad look pretty to the…
VII — Hygeia at the Solito (1)
If you are knowing in the chronicles of the ring you will recall to mind an event in the early ’nineties when, for a minute and sundry odd…
VII — Hygeia at the Solito (2)
The branding season was at hand, and the next morning Ross Hargis, foreman of the outfit, was mustering his force of some twenty-five men a…
VIII — An Afternoon Miracle (1)
At the United States end of an international river bridge, four armed rangers sweltered in a little ’dobe hut, keeping a fairly faithful es…
VIII — An Afternoon Miracle (2)
The man smiled again, and set his foot to ascend the slope. Alvarita leaned swiftly and picked up a stone the size of a cocoanut. “Vamoose,…
IX — The Higher Abdication (1)
Curly the tramp sidled toward the free-lunch counter. He caught a fleeting glance from the bartender’s eye, and stood still, trying to look…
IX — The Higher Abdication (2)
“How’d you come in my wagon?” repeated Ranse, this time in a voice that drew a reply. Curly recognised the tone. He had heard it used by fr…
X — Cupid À La Carte (1)
“The dispositions of woman,” said Jeff Peters, after various opinions on the subject had been advanced, “run, regular, to diversions. What…
X — Cupid À La Carte (2)
“‘I’d be glad, now,’ says Ed, ‘if you’ll let me go. I’ve been hard hit, but I’ll hit the ration supply harder. I’m going to clean out every…
XI — The Caballero’s Way (1)
The Cisco Kid had killed six men in more or less fair scrimmages, had murdered twice as many (mostly Mexicans), and had winged a larger num…
XI — The Caballero’s Way (2)
“You are not afraid—no one could make my brave little one fear.” “Well, I haven’t been usually regarded as a jack-rabbit when it comes to s…
XII — The Sphinx Apple (1)
Twenty miles out from Paradise, and fifteen miles short of Sunrise City, Bildad Rose, the stage-driver, stopped his team. A furious snow ha…
XII — The Sphinx Apple (2)
“Now that kind of train orders don’t go with a girl that’s got any spirit. I bet that girl loved her honey all the time. Maybe she only wan…
XIII — The Missing Chord
I stopped overnight at the sheep-ranch of Rush Kinney, on the Sandy Fork of the Nueces. Mr. Kinney and I had been strangers up to the time…
XIV — A Call Loan
In those days the cattlemen were the anointed. They were the grandees of the grass, kings of the kine, lords of the lea, barons of beef and…
XV — The Princess and the Puma
There had to be a king and queen, of course. The king was a terrible old man who wore six-shooters and spurs, and shouted in such a tremend…
XVI — The Indian Summer of Dry Valley Johnson
Dry Valley Johnson shook the bottle. You have to shake the bottle before using; for sulphur will not dissolve. Then Dry Valley saturated a…
XVII — Christmas by Injunction (1)
Cherokee was the civic father of Yellowhammer. Yellowhammer was a new mining town constructed mainly of canvas and undressed pine. Cherokee…
XVII — Christmas by Injunction (2)
“Merry Christmas, little boy,” said Cherokee. “Anything on the tree you want they’ll get it down for you. Won’t you shake hands with Santa…
XVIII — A Chaparral Prince
Nine o’clock at last, and the drudging toil of the day was ended. Lena climbed to her room in the third half-story of the Quarrymen’s Hotel…
XIX — The Reformation of Calliope
Calliope Catesby was in his humours again. Ennui was upon him. This goodly promontory, the earth—particularly that portion of it known as Q…