Cabbages and Kings

Коллекция текстов · humor

1. The Proem — By the Carpenter
   They will tell you in Anchuria, that President Miraflores, of that volatile republic, died by his own hand in the coast town of Coralio; th…
2. I — “Fox-In-The-Morning”
   Coralio reclined, in the mid-day heat, like some vacuous beauty lounging in a guarded harem. The town lay at the sea’s edge on a strip of a…
3. II — The Lotus and the Bottle
   Willard Geddie, consul for the United States in Coralio, was working leisurely on his yearly report. Goodwin, who had strolled in as he did…
4. III — Smith
   Goodwin and the ardent patriot, Zavalla, took all the precautions that their foresight could contrive to prevent the escape of President Mi…
5. IV — Caught (1)
   The plans for the detention of the flying President Miraflores and his companion at the coast line seemed hardly likely to fail. Dr. Zavall…
6. IV — Caught (2)
   A desolation, thought Goodwin, greater than that derived from the loss of cavalier and gold must have been in the heart of the enchantress…
7. V — Cupid’s Exile Number Two
   The United States of America, after looking over its stock of consular timber, selected Mr. John De Graffenreid Atwood, of Dalesburg, Alaba…
8. VI — The Phonograph and the Graft (1)
   “What was this graft?” asked Johnny, with the impatience of the great public to whom tales are told. “’Tis contrary to art and philosophy t…
9. VI — The Phonograph and the Graft (2)
   “Henry stooped down and got a record from the basketful we’d brought, slid it in the phonograph, and started her off. It was a cornet solo,…
10. VII — Money Maze
    The new administration of Anchuria entered upon its duties and privileges with enthusiasm. Its first act was to send an agent to Coralio wi…
11. VIII — The Admiral
    Spilled milk draws few tears from an Anchurian administration. Many are its lacteal sources; and the clocks’ hands point forever to milking…
12. IX — The Flag Paramount
    At the head of the insurgent party appeared that Hector and learned Theban of the southern republics, Don Sabas Placido. A traveller, a sol…
13. X — The Shamrock and the Palm (1)
    One night when there was no breeze, and Coralio seemed closer than ever to the gratings of Avernus, five men were grouped about the door of…
14. X — The Shamrock and the Palm (2)
    “I was wonderin’ how I was goin’ to move away from them tropics without bein’ hired again. Dark as it was, I could see a steamer ridin’ in…
15. XI — The Remnants of the Code
    Breakfast in Coralio was at eleven. Therefore the people did not go to market early. The little wooden market-house stood on a patch of sho…
16. XII — Shoes
    John De Graffenreid Atwood ate of the lotus, root, stem, and flower. The tropics gobbled him up. He plunged enthusiastically into his work,…
17. XIII — Ships
    Within a week a suitable building had been secured in the Calle Grande, and Mr. Hemstetter’s stock of shoes arranged upon their shelves. Th…
18. XIV — Masters of Arts (1)
    A two-inch stub of a blue pencil was the wand with which Keogh performed the preliminary acts of his magic. So, with this he covered paper…
19. XIV — Masters of Arts (2)
    “That’s business,” said Keogh heartily. “Good boy! Now, here’s another thing—rush that picture—crowd it through as quick as you can. Get a…
20. XV — Dicky
    There is little consecutiveness along the Spanish Main. Things happen there intermittently. Even Time seems to hang his scythe daily on the…
21. XVI — Rouge Et Noir
    It has been indicated that disaffection followed the elevation of Losada to the presidency. This feeling continued to grow. Throughout the…
22. XVII — Two Recalls
    There remains three duties to be performed before the curtain falls upon the patched comedy. Two have been promised: the third is no less o…
23. XVIII — The Vitagraphoscope
    Vaudeville is intrinsically episodic and discontinuous. Its audiences do not demand dénouements. Sufficient unto each “turn” is the evil th…