The Second Thoughts of an Idle Fellow

Коллекция текстов · humor

On the Art of Making up One’s Mind (1)
“Now, which would you advise, dear? You see, with the red I shan’t be able to wear my magenta hat.” “Well then, why not have the grey?” “Ye…
On the Art of Making up One’s Mind (2)
There was nothing for me to regret, as the matter turned out. I should only have rescued a bald-headed commercial traveller, very drunk, wh…
On the Disadvantage of Not Getting What One Wants (1)
Long, long ago, when you and I, dear Reader, were young, when the fairies dwelt in the hearts of the roses, when the moonbeams bent each ni…
On the Disadvantage of Not Getting What One Wants (2)
That is the answer you would receive, Cinderella; and my young friend would say to me, “Yes, I can understand your finding disappointment i…
On the Exceptional Merit Attaching to the Things We Meant to Do (1)
I can remember—but then I can remember a long time ago. You, gentle Reader, just entering upon the prime of life, that age by thoughtless y…
On the Exceptional Merit Attaching to the Things We Meant to Do (2)
“You never hear me,” the oyster might say, “howling round camps and villages, making night hideous, frightening quiet folk out of their liv…
On the Preparation and Employment of Love Philtres (1)
Occasionally a friend will ask me some such question as this, Do you prefer dark women or fair? Another will say, Do you like tall women or…
On the Preparation and Employment of Love Philtres (2)
Who does not know that estimable housewife, working from eight till twelve to keep the house in what she calls order? She is so good a woma…
On the Delights and Benefits of Slavery (1)
My study window looks down upon Hyde Park, and often, to quote the familiar promise of each new magazine, it amuses and instructs me to wat…
On the Delights and Benefits of Slavery (2)
“I don’t want anything. What do you want? Why do you ring me up, and then not answer me? Do leave me alone, if you can!” “We can’t get Hong…
On the Care and Management of Women (1)
I talked to a woman once on the subject of honeymoons. I said, “Would you recommend a long honeymoon, or a Saturday to Monday somewhere?” A…
On the Care and Management of Women (2)
Our coach-load was a homely party, and some of the jokes were broad—harmless enough in themselves, had Minnie and I really been the married…
On the Minding of Other People’s Business (1)
I walked one bright September morning in the Strand. I love London best in the autumn. Then only can one see the gleam of its white pavemen…
On the Minding of Other People’s Business (2)
“There ought to be an association,” he continued, “a kind of clearing-house for the collection and distribution of Christmas presents. One…
On the Time Wasted in Looking Before One Leaps (1)
Have you ever noticed the going out of a woman? When a man goes out, he says—“I’m going out, shan’t be long.” “Oh, George,” cries his wife…
On the Time Wasted in Looking Before One Leaps (2)
“Serve him right,” I exclaimed, “and his wife too.” She was a pretty, bright-eyed little woman, my American friend, and I wished to ingrati…
On the Nobility of Ourselves (1)
An old Anglicized Frenchman, I used to meet often in my earlier journalistic days, held a theory, concerning man’s future state, that has s…
On the Nobility of Ourselves (2)
Let us acknowledge we are sinners. We know, those of us who dare to examine ourselves, that we are capable of every meanness, of every wron…
On the Motherliness of Man (1)
It was only a piece of broken glass. From its shape and colour, I should say it had, in its happier days, formed portion of a cheap scent-b…
On the Motherliness of Man (2)
“I’ll tell you where,” said he, “in the yew tree opposite the porch. And I’ll tell you for why. Just about an hour before dawn a man comes…
On the Inadvisability of Following Advice (1)
I was pacing the Euston platform late one winter’s night, waiting for the last train to Watford, when I noticed a man cursing an automatic…
On the Inadvisability of Following Advice (2)
Why is excellent Mr. Jones brought down next door to beggary? Mr. Jones had an income of a thousand a year, secured by the Funds. But there…
On the Playing of Marches at the Funerals of Marionettes (1)
He began the day badly. He took me out and lost me. It would be so much better, would he consent to the usual arrangement, and allow me to…
On the Playing of Marches at the Funerals of Marionettes (2)
You were necessary, you see, Dolly, to the piece. We cannot all play heroes and heroines. There must be wicked people in the play, or it wo…