Novel Notes

Коллекция текстов · humor

Prologue
Years ago, when I was very small, we lived in a great house in a long, straight, brown-coloured street, in the east end of London. It was a…
Chapter I (1)
When, on returning home one evening, after a pipe party at my friend Jephson’s, I informed my wife that I was going to write a novel, she e…
Chapter I (2)
“‘Ah, that’s a wonderful book, sir,’ he went on. ‘I ain’t one of them as has got brains of their own—not to speak of—but I know enough to k…
Chapter II (1)
I can’t honestly say that we made much progress at our first meeting. It was Brown’s fault. He would begin by telling us a story about a do…
Chapter II (2)
I dreamt a very curious dream about riches once, that made a great impression upon me. I thought that I and a friend—a very dear friend—wer…
Chapter III (1)
We had much trouble with our heroine. Brown wanted her ugly. Brown’s chief ambition in life is to be original, and his method of obtaining…
Chapter III (2)
But none of us felt inclined to laugh at Jephson’s stories, for they dealt not with the goodness of the rich to the poor, which is a virtue…
Chapter IV (1)
We held our next business meeting on my houseboat. Brown was opposed at first to my going down to this houseboat at all. He thought that no…
Chapter IV (2)
In the morning we would be awakened by the rain’s forcing its way through the window and wetting the bed, and would get up and mop out the…
Chapter V (1)
Brown and MacShaughnassy came down together on the Saturday afternoon; and, as soon as they had dried themselves, and had had some tea, we…
Chapter V (2)
Later on, as if disheartened by our indifference, the rain ceased, and we took our chairs out on the deck, and sat watching the lightning,…
Chapter VI (1)
“Cats,” remarked Jephson to me, one afternoon, as we sat in the punt discussing the plot of our novel, “cats are animals for whom I enterta…
Chapter VI (2)
“At the end of a fortnight, the cat, finding he had not, after all, bettered himself, came back. The family were so surprised that at first…
Chapter VII (1)
Does man ever reform? Balzac says he doesn’t. So far as my experience goes, it agrees with that of Balzac—a fact the admirers of that autho…
Chapter VII (2)
“One evening, riding home through a part of the jungle not far from his bungalow, he heard a soft, low hiss close to his ear, and, looking…
Chapter VIII (1)
One day we spoke of crime and criminals. We had discussed the possibility of a novel without a villain, but had decided that it would be un…
Chapter VIII (2)
“I had a hard time between the two of them, for, with the help of her sister, I was nursing them both. It was an unprofessional thing to do…
Chapter IX (1)
The discussion arose in this way. I had proposed a match between our villain and the daughter of the local chemist, a singularly noble and…
Chapter IX (2)
“He seemed unwilling to explain matters of his own accord. I had to put the conversation into the form of a cross-examination. “‘Why not?’…
Chapter X (1)
The final question discussed at our last meeting been: What shall our hero be? MacShaughnassy had suggested an author, with a critic for th…
Chapter X (2)
When she came to us she was engaged to a pork butcher—with a milkman in reserve. For Amenda’s sake we dealt with the man, but we never like…
Chapter XI (1)
Said Brown one evening, “There is but one vice, and that is selfishness.” Jephson was standing before the fire lighting his pipe. He puffed…
Chapter XI (2)
“This story,” commenced MacShaughnassy, “comes from Furtwangen, a small town in the Black Forest. There lived there a very wonderful old fe…
Chapter XII (1)
How much more of our—fortunately not very valuable—time we devoted to this wonderful novel of ours, I cannot exactly say. Turning the dogs’…
Chapter XII (2)
“That tramp appears to me symbolical of mankind. Human Nature has worn its conventions for so long that its habit has grown on to it. In th…