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Running For Governor
A Mysterious Visit PREFACE I have scattered through this volume a mass of matter which has never been in print before (such as “Learned Fab…
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Political Economy - (1)
Political Economy is the basis of all good government. The wisest men of all ages have brought to bear upon this subject the Here I was int…
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Political Economy - (2)
“Well, thish-yer Smiley had rat-tarriers, and chicken cocks, and tomcats and all them kind of things, till you couldn't rest, and you could…
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Political Economy - (3)
One day an individual stranger at the camp him arrested with his box and him said: “What is this that you have them shut up there within?”…
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Political Economy - (4)
This Jim bore a charmed life that must have been the way of it. Nothing could hurt him. He even gave the elephant in the menagerie a plug o…
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Political Economy - (5)
“Down wid him!” “Scoop the blaggard!” “Burn him!” “Hang him!” “Dhround him!” It was the quickest operation that ever was. I simply saw a su…
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To Raise Poultry
Being a letter written to a Poultry Society that had conferred a complimentary membership upon the author. Written about 1870. Seriously, f…
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My First Literary Venture
I was a very smart child at the age of thirteen an unusually smart child, I thought at the time. It was then that I did my first newspaper…
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Johnny Greer
“The church was densely crowded that lovely summer Sabbath,” said the Sunday-school superintendent, “and all, as their eyes rested upon the…
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The Case Of George Fisher
Some years ago, about 1867, when this was first published, few people believed it, but considered it a mere extravaganza. In these latter d…
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Disgraceful Persecution Of A Boy
In San Francisco, the other day, “A well-dressed boy, on his way to Sunday-school, was arrested and thrown into the city prison for stoning…
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Information Wanted
“WASHINGTON, December 10, 1867. “Could you give me any information respecting such islands, if any, as the government is going to purchase?…
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Some Learned Fables, For Good Old Boys And Girls - (1)
IN THREE PARTS PART FIRST HOW THE ANIMALS OF THE WOOD SENT OUT A SCIENTIFIC EXPEDITION Once the creatures of the forest held a great conven…
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Some Learned Fables, For Good Old Boys And Girls - (2)
By this time Professor Snail was making some telescopic inspections. He discovered a great number of these trees, extending in a single ran…
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Some Learned Fables, For Good Old Boys And Girls - (3)
“The result of my perlustration and perscontation of this isoperimetrical protuberance is a belief that it is one of those rare and wonderf…
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Riley-Newspaper Correspondent
One of the best men in Washington or elsewhere is RILEY, correspondent of one of the great San Francisco dailies. Riley is full of humor, a…
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A Fine Old Man - (1)
John Wagner, the oldest man in Buffalo one hundred and four years old recently walked a mile and a half in two weeks. He is as cheerful and…
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A Fine Old Man - (2)
A MEDIEVAL ROMANCE written about 1868 CHAPTER I THE SECRET REVEALED. It was night. Stillness reigned in the grand old feudal castle of Klug…
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Petition Concerning Copyright
TO THE HONORABLE THE SENATE AND HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES IN CONGRESS ASSEMBLED: Whereas, The Constitution guarantees equal rights to all, b…
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After-Dinner Speech
AT A FOURTH OF JULY GATHERING, IN LONDON, OF AMERICANS MR. CHAIRMAN AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: I thank you for the compliment which has just…
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Lionizing Murderers
I had heard so much about the celebrated fortune-teller Madame , that I went to see her yesterday. She has a dark complexion naturally, and…
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A New Crime - (1)
LEGISLATION NEEDED This country, during the last thirty or forty years, has produced some of the most remarkable cases of insanity of which…
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A New Crime - (2)
“You begin to comprehend you begin to see how it is. While our descendants are living sumptuously on our money, right around us in the city…
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A True Story - (1)
REPEATED WORD FOR WORD AS I HEARD IT Written about 1876 It was summer-time, and twilight. We were sitting on the porch of the farmhouse, on…
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A True Story - (2)
Upon one occasion the brothers fell out about something, and Chang knocked Eng down, and then tripped and fell on him, whereupon both clinc…
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A Ghost Story
I took a large room, far up Broadway, in a huge old building whose upper stories had been wholly unoccupied for years until I came. The pla…
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The Capitoline Venus
CHAPTER I Scene-An Artist's Studio in Rome. “Oh, George, I do love you!” “Bless your dear heart, Mary, I know that why is your father so ob…
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Speech On Accident Insurance
DELIVERED IN HARTFORD, AT A DINNER TO CORNELIUS WALFORD, OF LONDON GENTLEMEN: I am glad, indeed, to assist in welcoming the distinguished g…
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John Chinaman In New York
As I passed along by one of those monster American tea stores in New York, I found a Chinaman sitting before it acting in the capacity of a…
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The Petrified Man
Now, to show how really hard it is to foist a moral or a truth upon an unsuspecting public through a burlesque without entirely and absurdl…
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My Bloody Massacre
The other burlesque I have referred to was my fine satire upon the financial expedients of “cooking dividends,” a thing which became shamef…
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The Undertaker's Chat
“Now that corpse,” said the undertaker, patting the folded hands of deceased approvingly, “was a brick every way you took him he was a bric…
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Concerning Chambermaids
Against all chambermaids, of whatsoever age or nationality, I launch the curse of bachelordom! Because: They always put the pillows at the…
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“After” Jenkins
A grand affair of a ball the Pioneers' came off at the Occidental some time ago. The following notes of the costumes worn by the belles of…
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About Barbers
All things change except barbers, the ways of barbers, and the surroundings of barbers. These never change. What one experiences in a barbe…
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“Party Cries” In Ireland
Belfast is a peculiarly religious community. This may be said of the whole of the North of Ireland. About one-half of the people are Protes…
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History Repeats Itself
The following I find in a Sandwich Island paper which some friend has sent me from that tranquil far-off retreat. The coincidence between m…
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Honored As A Curiosity - (1)
If you get into conversation with a stranger in Honolulu, and experience that natural desire to know what sort of ground you are treading o…
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Honored As A Curiosity - (2)
“THE CHAIR: 'The gentleman from Missouri will take his seat. The Chair cannot allow the integrity of the committee to be questioned save by…
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The Widow's Protest
One of the saddest things that ever came under my notice (said the banker's clerk) was there in Corning during the war. Dan Murphy enlisted…
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A Curious Pleasure Excursion
Published at the time of the “Comet Scare” in the summer of 1874 We have received the following advertisement, but, inasmuch as it concerns…
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A Mysterious Visit
The first notice that was taken of me when I “settled down” recently was by a gentleman who said he was an assessor, and connected with the…